![\"Grim](\"https:\/\/cdn.marblism.com\/pOsjImBVsfn.webp\" "\\"Child")
Trigger warning:<\/strong> This article deals with the topic of child abuse and can be distressing for those affected. In acute crises, please contact the telephone helpline (116 111) or the emergency services. (Germany only) <\/p>\nThe truth behind the statistics<\/h2>\n
When child abuse is discussed, sober figures<\/strong> and abstract awareness campaigns often dominate public discussion. What is systematically ignored: the raw reality of those affected<\/strong>. Their experience reports reveal aspects that no statistic can capture \u2013 and that our society still does not want to acknowledge. <\/p>\n The reports from survivors paint a picture that is far more complex than the common narrative of “victim and perpetrator.” They speak of decades-long struggles with their own identity<\/strong>, of a society that perpetuates shame, and of support systems that often bypass the reality of those affected. <\/p>\n Those affected unanimously report: The shame was sometimes worse than the abuse itself<\/strong>. This shame is consciously cultivated and exploited by perpetrators. They whisper to their victims: “This will remain our secret,” “Nobody would believe you,” “You wanted this too.” <\/p>\n What outsiders don’t understand: This implanted shame lasts for decades<\/strong>. Even adult survivors struggle with feeling ashamed of something that was done to them<\/strong>. One person affected describes it this way: “The worst thing was not just what happened \u2013 but that for 30 years I thought it was my fault.” <\/p>\n The societal reaction reinforces this shame even more. While we show outrage towards the perpetrators in other crimes, in the case of sexual abuse there is often embarrassed silence<\/strong> or \u2013 even worse \u2013 subliminal blame<\/strong>. <\/p>\n One aspect that is practically never addressed in public discussions: How abuse destroys the sense of one’s own needs<\/strong>. Perpetrators systematically work to convince their victims that they “also want” what is happening. <\/p>\n Experience reports show: After years of manipulation, children lose the sense of what they themselves want and what is good for them<\/strong>. One survivor describes the turning point in his therapy: “The moment when my therapist said to me: ‘You are allowed to want something for yourself!’ \u2013 that was like a revelation. I had forgotten that was even possible.” <\/p>\n This destruction of one’s own will<\/strong> has consequences that go far beyond the actual trauma. Those affected report decades of inability to set boundaries<\/strong>, of the fear of expressing their own needs, and of a life that feels like permanent adaptation to the expectations of others<\/strong>. <\/p>\n One person affected describes the inner conflict: “I was torn between the need for sovereignty and controlled behavior on the one hand and insane fear on the other. It took years to reconcile these two sides within me.” <\/p>\n The societal reactions reinforce this dilemma. Male victims are often not taken seriously<\/strong> or \u2013 even worse \u2013 their masculinity is questioned. This leads to them speaking even less often about their experiences<\/strong> than female victims. <\/p>\n As already documented in our reports on abuse in children’s homes in the 1960s<\/a>, male victims in institutional contexts were particularly defenseless<\/strong>. The society of that time was even less willing to recognize the reality of male vulnerability. <\/p>\n Even when those affected find the courage to seek help, their reports reveal frightening hurdles<\/strong>. Many simply do not know that help even exists. The overcoming of calling a therapist<\/strong> is described by survivors as a monumental achievement<\/strong>. <\/p>\n One detail that is particularly frustrating: Often, victims have to prove their neediness<\/strong>. While in the case of other traumas \u2013 war experiences, accidents \u2013 the justification for help is rarely questioned, abuse victims often have to describe in detail how bad they are doing<\/strong>. <\/p>\n The help system itself is often not geared towards the specific needs<\/strong> of abuse victims. Standard therapies often miss the mark when it comes to rebuilding destroyed trust<\/strong> or working through the complex feelings of shame<\/strong>. <\/p>\n A central point: Not all victims become perpetrators<\/strong>. This widespread assumption additionally stigmatizes those affected and obscures the view of their actual needs and strengths<\/strong>. <\/p>\n At the same time, survivors are often reduced to their traumatization<\/strong>. One person affected puts it this way: “I am not just an eternal patient. I am a person with dreams, goals, and strengths. But as soon as I tell my story, people only see the trauma.” <\/p>\n This perspective of the “eternally traumatized”<\/strong> prevents those affected from being perceived as fully-fledged people<\/strong>. They constantly have to fight not only to be recognized as victims of a crime, but also as individuals with their own agency<\/strong>. <\/p>\n What becomes clear in the reports from survivors: Language is never neutral<\/strong>. The way in which abuse is spoken about massively shapes the perception of those affected<\/strong>. <\/p>\n Terms like “sex slave” \u2013 as we analyzed them in our article about sexual exploitation<\/a> \u2013 are more than just words<\/strong>. They transport power structures and can have a retraumatizing effect. <\/p>\n Those affected are increasingly demanding: Let us determine for ourselves how we are spoken about<\/strong>. They no longer want to be objects of external interpretive authority, but subjects of their own history<\/strong>. <\/p>\n The experience reports from survivors clearly show: Our societal handling of child abuse is fundamentally deficient<\/strong>. It is not enough to speak abstractly about prevention and education while we systematically ignore the voices of those affected<\/strong>. <\/p>\n What survivors demand is radically simple<\/strong>: Believe us. Don’t reduce us to our traumas. Give us space to tell our stories ourselves<\/strong>. And above all: Finally stop being silent<\/strong> when it becomes uncomfortable. <\/p>\n The time for diplomatic platitudes and cautious allusions<\/strong> is over. Like all topics that In the Abyss<\/a> deals with, this also needs unsparing honesty<\/strong> and the courage to break societal taboos<\/strong>. <\/p>\n The truth is uncomfortable<\/strong>: Our society has a structural problem with sexual abuse \u2013 not only with the perpetrators, but with the systematic looking away, trivializing, and repressing<\/strong>.<\/p>\n As long as we force those affected to prove their credibility<\/strong>, as long as we dismiss their shame as a personal problem<\/strong>, as long as we want to press complex traumas into simple categories<\/strong>, we will remain part of the problem.<\/p>\n The experience reports from survivors are a wake-up call<\/strong>. They demand nothing less than a fundamental change<\/strong> in our societal consciousness. It is time to listen, look, and finally act<\/strong>. <\/p>\nThe shame trap: Why victims remain silent<\/h2>\n
![\"Shadowy](\"https:\/\/cdn.marblism.com\/hxjt2yOtlEx.webp\" "\\"The")
Perhaps the most important detail<\/strong> that appears again and again in experience reports: Shame is not the same as guilt<\/strong>. While in other crimes \u2013 a bank robbery, a burglary \u2013 nobody holds the victim responsible for what happened, in the case of sexual abuse, societal perception is fundamentally different<\/strong>. <\/p>\nThe destroyed will: When children learn not to want<\/h2>\n
Male victims: The double taboo<\/h2>\n
![\"Male](\"https:\/\/cdn.marblism.com\/y1Ot_FmJ79w.webp\" "\\"Male")
The situation becomes particularly complex for male abuse victims<\/strong>. Their experience reports reveal a double taboo<\/strong>: They are not only victims of sexual violence, but also break through societal ideas of masculinity and strength<\/strong>. <\/p>\nThe rocky road to help<\/h2>\n
Societal blindness: What we don’t want to see<\/h2>\n
![\"Closed](\"https:\/\/cdn.marblism.com\/5o5F1GyAp2D.webp\" "\\"Societal")
The societal perception<\/strong> of abuse victims is characterized by myths and half-truths. Experience reports show: The reality is far more complex<\/strong> than the common narratives suggest. <\/p>\nThe power of language<\/h2>\n
What needs to change<\/h2>\n
A paradigm shift is overdue<\/h2>\n
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